Frog and Toad Together Blog

Napping, Knitting, Buying Kids Clothes and Walkin' Dogs…for the people

Warning: Detailed Account of Frog’s Dream May 19, 2011

In lieu of xanax and other nerve-calming drugs, I have taken to setting my ipod to my “sleep” playlist and listening to the likes of “Zen” and other random cd’s you can find at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Plus, the stress I anticipated yesterday surrounding a meeting was greatly alleviated when the moody case manager decided to not tear into me, my staff or client’s guardian.  And by moody, I mean full-blown personality disorder.  If I didn’t like her so much I would really resent the daily eggshell walk.  But, just when I feel some relief with a work situation, I have this bizarro dream that I was working where Toad works and I was nothing short of “special needs” for lack of a better phrase.  It was time for some big time meeting and we all had to go into this special room which was locked.  Each employee going to the meeting had a badge- honeywell style and had to punch in a code.  I had been told the code but could not remember it for the life of me.  Then,  I went to follow Toad into the room, hoping she could hold the door for me.  But no!  Maybe we shouldn’t go to the Hall of Fame!  I was left walking around the uninvited employees asking for the code.  Lo! and behold! My aunt, the one in the throes of dementia tried to tell me several times, but I still couldn’t get it.  It kept changing every time it was told to me.  Well, eventually I got in and then the freak show started.  The first room was like a spa, where everyone had to take off their shoes, bathe their feet, walk in salt and then put their salty feet in some spa slippers for the meeting.  Then in the next room- boardroom style, the “executives” came in one at a time and sat at one end, with their backs to the table.  This is where that stupid show The Voice comes in.  The execs would dramatically turn around one at a time, introducing themselves.  Of course I had the misfortune of sitting in the middle of the execs, but facing the table.  It occurred to me in my dream how stupid it all was and I couldn’t stop laughing.  But, I felt bad for Toad who I think I embarrassed badly.  Sorry about that Toad.  But next time you should hold the door for your special needs friend.

You know what makes it all better?

This little Nannerpuss.  It is a …  wait for it… Mini Boden dress with Hanna ribbed capris, just in time for a sunny spring day like today!  Shoes pictured are Lelli Kelly’s and though they are bejewelled, Hattie considers them to be inferior to her now-to-small light up shoes.  She refers to these as “broken” since the over the top psychadelic sequins don’t requrire a power source.

Yesterday I reassembled her crib and removed all 1,000 of the Elmo stickers from the wood.  I put a nice masculine green sheet on it and rounded up all her semi-boyish blankets and plush toys.  We are set.  She would like to know where the baby is now.  We have talked to her about it several times.  The crib is a good conversation starter.  But, I imagine she thinks of this phantom baby as something that will only be around from time to time.  How could she ever conceptualize the reality?  This will all be interesting.

In dog news, Paco is sick.  He spent a day and a half throwing up and not eating.  We took him to the vet yesterday.  $242 later, we still don’t know what’s wrong, but they did give him some fluids and some meds to make him less nauseous.  This morning he ate a little of the food they sent home for him.  Now I must wait to capture the elusive stool sample.  They sent a dixie cup home for this.  A dixie cup!  Do they want me to return it in that?  Anyway, I know you must be worried.  Here he is, looking pitiful:

It could just be a case of missing his BFF Bailey.

Today I have no meeting and the sun is out.  It’s a good day.

 

Chronicles of Voldemort May 12, 2011

Filed under: gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 9:53 am

I just had a meeting with SWSNBN and had to sit by her. And she was lovely and polite.

I’m so cornfused.

Yesterday, because I’m prone to letting things stick in my craw, I Googled “widgets” and guess what? “Widgets” is a term commonly used in Investment deals, with Venture Capital, etc.

HI, I WORK IN HUMAN RESOURCES. I’M NOT A VC. JUST FYI.

In other news, if I don’t get some sun soon, I’m going to have a Nervy B. It was foggy on the way to work today and I was Woman on the Verge.

Does anyone want to:

a) Fly to Palm Springs with me to:

a. Sit by a pool

b. Drink fruity drinks all the live long day

c. Read books and chat

d. Stay in at night and watch TV in bed

b) Watch my children while I do a) thru d) above

c) Fund said trip.

Email me if you’re interested in any of the above. KTHXBAI !

 

Gulag Giggles May 5, 2011

Filed under: gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 12:29 pm

Greetings from your Favorite Secretary! Yes, I’m working on managing multiple projects and still wondering how this happened to me.

Here’s an example of workplace fun. All you stay-home’s out there – this is what you’re missing! Terminology is changed to protect the guilty.

We’re working on a project and we were asked to gather some data including something called “widgets.” Ok, that’s not really what they’re called, but you get the idear.

Now no one on our team has heard of “widgets,” but contextually we guess they are looking for “doohickeys.” Our team consists of oh, I don’t know, probably something like 60+ combined years of HR experience, by the way. And it includes smart generalists like moi and also EXPERTS IN THE FIELD OF DOOHICKEY-TYPE-INFORMATION. And if no one on the team has heard these things referred to as “widgets,” we want to clarify before we go off chasing “doohickeys.” Are you with me?

So as the Head Secretary I emailed off the question, to someone we’ll call Old Gal – What are Widgets, can you please let us know? This was back in early March. By the way, it’s May 5th today, in case you wondered.

I got no answer, and in the meantime a new person has been assigned to the project. So I emailed her the question (New Gal) and she called me back today and I had to ask her it again (don’t like to read email, New Gal?) and she said I should go ask Old Gal. In the meantime (again) we’d looped our HR VP into discussions and she didn’t know what Widgets were either. So I emailed Old Gal again, and cc’d our HR VP and here’s the response I got from Old Gal.

By the way, apparently the use of “widget” is commonly known by everyone else, because when I asked the clarifying question at the workshop, the response was something along these lines — anyone that deals with your insurance policies should know that, and if they don’t you have a problem.

1. You went to a workshop and already got an answer on this, Old Gal? Thanks for letting me know!

2. You insult me in your response, by stating that it’s something that is commonly known?

3. And you include the VP in the cc response with your insult?

4. And you include the Doohickey Specialist in the email, who was also cc’d?

5. FYI, if it were commonly known, we’d know about it. We’re not stupid. You are. EVERYONE who deals with our policies hadn’t heard it.

6. FYI, your approach and style and whole vibe is just ridiculous.

7. “We have a problem?” Yes, we do. It is you. As my favorite comedian says, “Go eat a bag of dicks.”

PEOPLE!

See why I like computairs better?

Signed,

Your Favorite Secretary

 

Collaged Beeswax Dipped Tags December 17, 2010

Filed under: crafty stuff,gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 4:16 pm

Work party activity. SUPER fun.

 

IRS Rant, Free to you today! December 15, 2010

Filed under: gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 10:42 am

Good Lerd. It took me ½ hour this morning JUST TO GET OUT OF TIGARD. There was some funkiness on Hwy 217, I think and it jammed up the side streets, nearly back to Teresa’s house. I had to take mucho side-roads to get out of Tigard-Hell and ended up driving by Aut’s house. Aut, did you get a Honda Odyssey? Did you hear a Prius flying by at 8:30 with a middle-aged woman inside screaming?

And now, readers? Now I’m trying to read IRS tax reg’s and make heads or tails of what qualifies and what is excluded from being a “vehicle” vis-à-vis taxability for folks who have a company rig. And I’m ready to shoot someone. There’s a reason I’m not a payroll person – and it’s shit like this. Yet I work for a Payroll Manager, so I get looped into shit like this. And it makes me vair VAIR crabby.

MOVING ON.

In knitting news, a co-worker is wearing The Cutest Knitted Item Ever in the History of Man. More or less. It’s a huge stockinette rectangle, seamed on one side partially. She put her head thru the hole made by the seam, put the seam down her back and it’s like a poncho/cowl/sweater thingy and It Is Fabulous. The key, I think, is the yarn – it’s an alpaca blend so it’s nice and drapey. It looks great on her (she’s a chunkier monkey, like moi) and she’s wearing it with a plain white LS t-shirt underneath. GENIUS. It’s so super cute and flattering and it makes me want one immediately. But who wants to knit a giant stockinette rectangle, I ask you? That would be a good no-brainer project for taking along places. Like the movie. But J. no likey when I knit at the movie. I want to snap a picture of her so’s you can see it, knitters, but then I’ve have to explain why, blah blah blah. Maybe I’ll Kinnear her.

My back has healed from the marathon sewing session last night. Thank goodness. I’m done sewing for approx. 47 years now.

Gawd, I need to get back to the IRS regs. WHO WRITES THIS STUFF? Have they heard of a flow chart? Guide people with a yes/no decision matrix! If yes, then X. If no, then Y. PERHAPS YOU’VE HEARD OF IT.

 

This is the book and a free rant vis-a-vis the gulag December 9, 2010

Filed under: books,gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 10:15 am

I guess they had curling irons for gentle tendrils about the neck, back in the days of yore.

My boss is on thin ice. He asked me to set up a training session (an informal one, but still) for him and another guy that we work with so they can start to understand my side of the computair system. So I put some idears together, reserved time, a room, a projector and am sitting here with the projector set up and ready to go. And they’re no where to be found. If there’s one thing I hate it’s setting up the InFocus machines. What IS IT WITH THEM – they are such a pain in the ass, and I’m a relatively savvy computair user. If there’s another thing I hate, it’s people who ask for something then don’t show up when you prepare it for them. And if there’s another thing I hate, it’s people who are chronically late for meetings. I really like my boss – he is a very nice man. But sometimes his flakiness, which often works to my advantage, also really freaking chaps my hide.

 

Isn’t she cute? December 7, 2010

Filed under: gulag,Toad Blather — frogandtoadtogether @ 1:42 pm