I got a tetanus shot yesterday (regglar 10 year cycle) (with a pertussis add-in) and MAN ALIVE my arm is sore. Like, crazy sore. The pertussis is aka whooping cough, and while it’s rare, my doc said it’s such bad coughing that people throw up, etc. To which I said, “AND IF YOU’RE ME, PEE YOUR PANTS.”
Ain’t nobody got time for whooping cough and pee-pants. Shoot me up, doc.
Although now my arm is so sore, I’m weighing the pros and cons. Pee-pants or this sore arm? THAT IS A TOSS UP.
Also at my doctor appt., I got referred to an orthopedist/podiatrist because I have a bum heel. And a dermy because I have some moles. And I need a mammo-squash. And I need to start exercising. (DURRRRR). OH! And she drilled in on the pee-pants ish and said there’s PT for pelvic floor blah blah blah. JEEZ DOC. I’m 45, not 75!
OH! AND…I asked a simple question, “Can I get some 1960’s diet pills, aka amphetamines, to speed up this boring Weight Watchers bznss?” and she said, “No.” Where is the sense of humor in the medical profession, I ASK OF YOU. (I’m kidding. I love my doctor. She just doesn’t like an amphetamine joke, WHATEV-ERRRRRR. I guess it’s back to the 1960s diet of cottage cheese and fruit. I only wish I could add in the 1960s cigarette as well, but YOU CANNOT HAVE EVERYTHING, RIGHT?)
But on the good news side: I got blood work back already and everything like the diabeetus, the cholesterol, the thyroid and blood pressure is a-okay. And herein lies the turn of this blog, at age 45, to talking about my doctor’s appointments and medical woes. I’m officially old AF.
Also, I’m worried the shot gave me the autism. Isn’t that what Dr. Jenny McCarthy says? Oh Lort, what a day.