I had a breakthrough on the way home. My new job is that of a mediator and a get-shit-done person. I listen to one group of people act like their hair is on fire, then take that info and distill it down to the truth and identify what needs to be done to fix it and make a plan.
So basically, I’m a fixer of drama and queller of exaggeration. If you have read this blog for more than two seconds you might realize that the very ESSENCE OF MY BEING is based on exaggeration and drama. I thrive on it. If I can’t be dramatic and hyperbolish, WHAT IS LE POINT IN LIVING??
There is some rich irony in this. I just need to figure out what important lesson The Universe is tryna tell me with this little tidbit. Maybe it will result in a drastic personality overhaul! Maybe I will quit being so over-the-top. Maybe I will become more effective in my life – both at work and at home. Maybe I WILL DIE FROM BOREDOM.
Here’s an example of something I had to handle last week:
Person A: MY HAIR IS ON FIRE.
Person B: Nah dude, you got a split end and I told you how to fix it. Person A: MY HAIR IS ON FIRE AND I’M FLIPPING OUT.
Person B: Bitch, I told you how to fix your split end.
Me, listens to Person B’s side of the story. Gets A and B and A’s manager in a room and says “Listen y’all. I hear that you feel like your hair is on fire but we are at the 11th hour and need to focus on getting your hair ready. Let’s list out each strand aflame and work toward a plan to get R done. Oh! You have one split end? Well here’s how you fix that (VERBATIM FROM PERSON B), and lets assign that to you, Person A!” Person A: OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!!
I repeated LOGIC and REALITY, perhaps in a different style, and this is a real yob??????
Normally, I’m more comfy as a combo of Person A and Person B. I like to make drama, and I also like to tell people to shut their pie hole. But now I’m the person who subscribes to neither approach?? Where will the madness end? And where exactly will I get my sillies out?? GOOD THING THIS BLOG IS HERE TO ABSORB MY EXCESS DRAMA!
You’ve been warned.